Just a normal post

It has been a long time for me to update a post. I nearly forget about its function. I have problems. A lot of it. Some of them may not be seen as serious or considered as a problem from the perspective of the others. I have friends. Besties. However, I find that it's hard to tell my problems or even get an advice from them. I know what I should do but I just don't feel like doing it. I need to tell people and get opinions from them. I think I need a listener who will not judge me and just hear me out. In the past, I liked to share my problems, feeling or advice to my friends but lately, I hardly meet them. When I meet them, I treasure the time spending with them and I am afraid that they may get tired of me talking about the same thing or complaining about things. I care about what people thinking about me and I take them seriously. It is not right! Their opinions and thoughts may be right but I should not care that much until I feel like I am controlled by these thoughts. I changed according to them. I listened to what they said and I felt shame or embarrassed if I did "wrong". I know I am not confident enough to make my own life Time passes. Instead of making a change, I let them go smoothly. After 4 years of a degree life, I found out that I did not use them properly to grow up. I am not acting as a person who resembles my age. It is like I never grow up. To do so, I need to face the problems, instead of running away from them. I have this thought all the time but I just can't pull myself together to face it. Whenever there is a problem, or before it becomes a problem, I already freak out. I cover myself too much until they don't know the real me. I make myself to look like a fearless person on the others' eyes. Well, in reality, I am gutless.

Ah... Now I know why people love to write about their feeling or other simple things on Facebook. I used to do that until I find that I prefer privacy. If it is hard to tell the world, then I just gonna write it down. At least now I know what is my fear. I am not sure whether writing out is helping me but it is definitely calming me down.